Getting married is most of every woman's dream come true. To finally be with the man of their dreams for the rest of their life is what many women have been dreaming and fantasizing about since their Ken and Barbie days as children. And why wouldn't any woman want that? Marriage is a beautiful beautiful good thing!
However many millennials have a false perception on what marriage truly looks like. Getting engaged is the first step to marriage, but it's in staying married that is most often forgotten about and not a highly talked about conversation.
The American Psychological Association suggests that 40 to 50% of married couples get a divorce out of the 90% that marry by 50 years of age. Other sources such as the National Vital Statistics System for the National Marriage and Divorce Rate Trends have reported that 813,862 divorces happened in 2014.
Social media and the memes of our favorite celebrity couples have made us idolize their marriage, relationships, and love life.
Although I am truly happy for pop star Ciara's new engagement to NFL Star Russell Wilson, to be overindulged in the couple's new found romance is a trend I just refuse to partake in.
I am definitely not too fond of the memes going around by many of their fans either.
Here's why! Any woman in this world can get an engagement ring. Whether a man is a man of God or not, if a man wants to commit to a woman and believes that the woman he is with is the one, he will indeed propose.
I know many people who have been engaged to someone at least once in their life and have called off their engagement due to many factors that they did not see in the beginning of their relationship.
The thing is you never truly know who a person is even when you're engaged or married to them.
This is why prayer is so important in all relationships. Too many people idolize what they think they may want and once they get just that, it's not what they truly wanted at all.
I will be more impressed when I see Ciara and Russell Wilson write a book to their fans on some of the things they did not expect while engaged or married, or at least make it past the honeymoon and newly wed stages of marriage.
Again this is not a blog post to downplay the couple's engagement. I'm sure Ciara's engagement is a super exciting and joyful time for her and Russell Wilson.
The blog post isn't even necessarily geared towards Ciara and Russell Wilson. It is to focus on societal attitudes and beliefs on what " relationships and marriages" look like.
What you see in front of the camera is just that. All couples go through crazy rough patches and that's just the reality of it.
People want to have relationship goals like Gwen Stefani and Blake Shelton, Beyonce' and Jay Z, Brad Pit and Angelina Jolie, Barack Obama and Michelle Obama. Well newsflash, you're not them!
You and your mate are ----you and your mate! Every couple goes through certain things that they must go through in order to grow as a couple.
No ladies remember abuse is not one of those things. So if you are finding yourself in an abusive relationship please check out my other website that touches on issues of abuse at sossavingoursisters.org .
Too many times we get so involved with the look of things and write memes about what love is.
That's cute and all, but Western society has moved so far left with the ideologies of marriage, that no one is really talking about the struggles that even most Christian and even non Christian married couples go through.
No one has seen Ciara's first argument with Russell Wilson , yet we praise their engagement.
If I was seeing memes regarding Actress Meagan Good and her hubby Devon Franklin, I would cheer on! Especially after the two have told their story and wrote a book together called "The Wait" , where they go into depth about how God brought them together while being celibate.
Another point that no one has brought up when talking about Ciara and Russell Wilson's relationship as well as many celebrity relationships in Hollywood, is the healing process.
So many of these couples jump in and out of relationships and marriages.
How do you all know Ciara got it right this time? Is it because Wilson presents himself to be a just man in the public? Or is it because of the pictures and images that have been painted for you all?
We often see celebrity couples rebound so fast. It was just less than a year and a half ago that Ciara called off her engagement to rapper Future. Now she's engaged to a new man?
Sources began reporting in April 2015 that Ciara and Russell Wilson had been dating , just 8 months after her split with Future.
Where was the healing process???? Is this what our society is coming to terms with!
How is it that easy to get over an ex fiancé , without healing? Yes the length and time period of healing is different for all human beings, so I won't say that Ciara isn't completely healed from her prior situation. That is something only she knows, no one else.
This is why we should not idolize celebrity relationships!
Most people that I have met who have been engaged have waited years to get over their last engagement, in order to do things differently and learn from prior mistakes.
One thing that I do admire about one celebrity couple such as Beyonce' and Jay Z is how well they kept their relationship under wraps for years before being discovered as a couple and then eventually getting married. People suspected the two of dating , but nothing was ever confirmed.
Another argument is that you have to start somewhere and engagement is that first step. This statement is very true, however we are still sending mix messages to the mass population on the false perceptions of marriage!
It's not always all good! Marriage is hard work!
So many women want to be brides but don't want to be wives! Some young women don't even want to put in the work to pray for their partner, but want to be engaged or married.
There are women who even give their partners ultimatums , which is pure manipulation and is a relationship waiting to end in disaster.
Social media has hyped everything up to be superficial with relationships, engagements, and marriages.
Being married is a true gift, the art however , is continuing to grow, learn, forgive, and love that person throughout the years.
Before wanting what another couple has, ask yourself are you ready for what they had to go through to get what they currently have.
Also ask yourself can you handle any of what you may be asking for.
Stop idolizing and start praying for God to really search your heart's desires and bring them to the light. What's for you will be for you! Not what Ciara has, not what Meagan Good has, or any other celebrity or couple in this world.